Ready or Not - Here Comes Fatherhood! First Aid for Fathers-To-Be

Oh how it all begins! The start of a new life and how expectant fathers can prepare for their first child.

Having a child is one of the most exciting and profound changes in life. As an expectant father, you are often caught between anticipation, uncertainty and the question: What does this even mean? ‘At some point, it suddenly arrives, hits like a bomb and suddenly changes everything,’ a good friend once told me. ‘For me, it hasn't actually changed that much, another person said.’ I didn't even dare ask another contact from my immediate circle. The bloke looked completely worn out and felt 5 years older than I remembered him. In short: a brief field study shows that experiences are diametrically opposed and miles apart.

This led me to the question: is it really possible to prepare for being a father? The good news: Yes, at least to a certain extent! The bad news: there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Nevertheless, even though there will always be surprises, there are a few things that can help you to make the transition to family life more relaxed.

1. Emotional preparation: fatherhood begins in the mind

Many fathers-to-be experience a mixture of excitement and fear during pregnancy. Suddenly you ask yourself questions like: Am I ready for this responsibility? Will I be a good father? These thoughts are normal and even important. There are some valuable things you could do in this regard.

Firstly, talk to your partner about your feelings and expectations. It's not rocket science and the smart ones among us already know that this is the go-to move for pretty much any challenging situation when it comes to family and relationship life. Take time, talk and listen. Great cinema!

Next, and this has been hugely beneficial for me personally: seek dialogue with other fathers to learn from their experiences. Almost everyone knows friends or acquaintances who have had sleepless nights, nappy changes and other highlights of ‘daddy life’. In the first year with my child, I experienced various situations that no longer surprised me, as friends had already told me about them, sometimes enthusiastically, sometimes disillusioned.

Then, rather by chance, I stumbled across a classic life coach tip: Visualise your life with a child and prepare yourself mentally for the changes. Sounds super sensible - but I haven't tried it myself. I put it down to a lack of visualisation skills. Give it a try and give me your feedback. I'm very curious!

2. Practical preparation: organising and planning

You will celebrate yourself for every little thing you have already organised in your child-free life before the birth! There are a few things you can do to make the start of family life easier:

Check finances and insurance: This doesn't just mean what the family milk cart bill looks like with an extra pram driver. It's also about organisational issues. Do we get child allowances? Where do I have to apply for these? What health insurance does the child need? Here too, advice and experience from friends and acquaintances can be very helpful.

Prepare your home: How do you need to adapt your home so that it remains comfortable for everyone? Or do you even need a new flat? Do rooms, stairs, windows or cupboards need to be childproofed?

Prepare your equipment: From the cot to nappies - not everything needs to be there straight away, but a few basics will make the start easier. Take a look around, we have also put together a few starter kits in the daddyshop.

Then something very exciting: Attend a birth preparation course! Many courses are aimed not only at mums, but also at dads. I was recommended to attend one by a friend with the simple advice: "Then you'll already know a bit about what happens during the birth in hospital. And where you have to go and so on..." My goodness, in retrospect I was grateful for this tip! My health insurance company, which considers itself to be super modern, found it surprisingly difficult to cover the costs - maybe I can write about that in a separate blog post. But insurance companies generally cover your costs these days. 

Did I mention that you'll love yourself for everything you did before the birth? Take it to heart!

 3. Partnership and teamwork

A baby presents a relationship with new challenges. Open communication, mutual support and joint planning are crucial.

• Clarify early on how you want to divide up tasks. In the first few weeks after the birth, classic couple discussions can be incredibly exhausting. Simply because of sleep deprivation and constant preoccupation with the new mini human, nerves for fundamental discussions are rather scarce for many.
• Be honest about your needs - it's perfectly okay to be tired or stressed.
• Plan small time-outs for each other. Even just having breakfast at the nearest bakery while the child sleeps for an hour and your parents or parents-in-law look after the child - or whoever else you trust to look after the children for a short time. This is quality time at its best!

4. Is it even possible to prepare adequately?

The truth is: a child is unpredictable. Every baby is different and every family has its own dynamics. Preparation may help some, others less, but there will be moments when you have to improvise anyway. The most important thing is to remain flexible, not put yourself under too much pressure and approach the adventure with curiosity and an open mind.

5.Testimonials, inspiration and help for fathers

Many fathers have recorded their experiences, be it in books, blogs or podcasts.
The list of advice books for expectant fathers is particularly long. Here are a few recommendations from me:

• The Daily Dad - a compilation of stories from Ryan Holiday. This books provides one story for every day of the year. These stories double as a daily dose of meditation and wisdom.
• Papa Ratgeber - Das Überlebensbuch für werdende Väter - Von Lügen und Wahrheiten, auf die Euch keiner vorbereitet hat! By Frank McCormick - an honest and humorous experience report
• Das Väter Klobuch by Michael Beutel - Lots of fun, puzzles and creative knowledge about fatherhood.
• Dad for beginners by Paulus Vennebuch - Small but mighty: a fun souvenir, beautifully designed with helpful tips for the start of everyday baby life.

Exciting podcasts

• "Echte Papas": A podcast by Marco Krahl and Florian Schleinig that deals with various aspects of being a father. Echte Papas 
• "Take Dad - Der Papa-Podcast": Young fathers Felix Kuster and Christoph Dopp discuss topics from their everyday lives as dads on a weekly basis. Take Dad - The Dad Podcast
• "Vatern": Dr Christoph Schnoor shares strategies and experiences for expectant and new fathers to help them become their best father selves. Vatern
• "Hallo Vater": A podcast by Luca Carecci and Nadja Zeindler that deals with various aspects of being a father. Spotify

Organisations and support for fathers:

• Väternetzwerk Schweiz: This organisation networks fathers in companies and offers support in balancing family and career. Väternetzwerk Schweiz
• männer.ch: The umbrella organisation of Swiss men's and fathers' organisations campaigns for the concerns of fathers and offers various resources. männer.ch
• ch: A Swiss platform for expectant and new fathers with information, advice and exchange on topics such as birth, fatherhood and relationships with babies. niudad.ch

 

Conclusion
Having a child is an exciting journey with many surprises. In my opinion, good preparation means dealing with the topic in advance.  Much more important, however, is the willingness to learn, adapt and be inspired by this new stage of life. With a good mix of planning, openness and teamwork, the start of family life can be a wonderful adventure. And remember: you don't have to know everything straight away - you grow with your tasks. Good luck and, above all, enjoy your journey to becoming a father!

 

Cover Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/@jule_42